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Sex During Pregnancy

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Late pregnancy, surveys show, is not a time when your sex drive is at its peak. Maybe it’s something to do with the fact that, by this stage, your boobs are covered in unsightly veins, your pubic hair has disappeared beneath the bulging bump, and the midwife keeps talking about your perineum as though it was a piece of public property.

From mid-term on, and perhaps earlier, you’ll probably be aware of your uterus hardening after orgasm. This is caused by contractions which your orgasm will have set off. Don’t worry, it’s no reason for alarm and it doesn’t mean you’re about to go into labour. These are simply Braxton Hicks contractions, which are common in late pregnancy, particularly in women who have had a baby before. They’re actually good for the womb as they allow it to ‘practice’ for the real labour. Simply lie down for a few minutes, and you’ll feel the contractions fade away and your belly will soften once more.

Pregnancy is a great time to enjoy sex

But hold on a minute! When I mentioned my views to my friend Sue she disagreed completely. “You don’t feel sexy?” she said in disbelief. “But I’ve never felt as turned on as I did when I was pregnant. My whole body just felt so ripe and sensual, I felt so womanly.”
I felt a bit envious talking to Sue, because pregnancy is a great time to enjoy sex - if you can. Blood flow to the pelvic area, combined with increased lubrication of the vagina, means that in theory making love can be better than ever. And of course, there’s no fear of an unwanted pregnancy because you’re pregnant already! Plus, as your bump gets bigger, there’s the challenge of having to find new positions for intercourse - often a turn-on in itself.

These pluses are fine in theory, but for many couples the reality is a bit different. Often, pregnancy kicks in with seven or eight weeks of extreme tiredness and nausea. Bed is certainly a major attraction - but it’s sleep, rather than sex, that makes us want to get there as early as possible!

New responsibilities

Your emotions undergo a huge change, right from early pregnancy until well after the birth. Especially if this is your first baby - but even if it’s your second or third - the beginning of a new life inside you means new responsibilities, for you and your partner. As you begin to get bigger, and your pregnancy becomes more obvious, this may be more and more in your mind, and your partner’s. “Every night when I get into bed and lie down, the baby starts kicking and moving about furiously,” says Jenny, who is 27 weeks pregnant. “It’s fascinating, and both Pete and I love it, but it is a complete turn-off as far as sex is concerned.”

Some women feel different about sex because they feel being pregnant is all rather ‘medical’ especially if you’re having a lot of tests, or are seeing a doctor regularly for other problems.
Another common worry, for men and women, is will sex harm the baby? “I had three miscarriages before this baby, and the fear of causing another one meant sex was completely out for the first three months,” says Janet. (The official advice is not to have penetrative sex - or take it easy - during the first three months if you’ve had any kind of bleeding or threatened miscarriage.)

Give yourself time

There are two important things to remember about sex in pregnancy. First everyone is different and, second, whether you’re randier than you’ve ever been or totally off sex, it doesn’t matter. “During pregnancy, and after the birth as well, you’ve really got to give yourself time. There are huge changes happening both physical and mental, and of course these will influence your sex life. Keep talking to one another, and remember that sex isn’t just about penetration - there are lots of other sorts of sexual contact you can enjoy. It doesn’t have to be the whole thing or nothing!”

Having a baby is all about adapting, and most couples need to adapt their sex life, too. The main thing is not to worry.
“I always tell couples to give themselves a year after the birth of a child. It’s a huge upheaval, and it affects your sex life in lots of ways. Physically, returning to love-making may take several months - and even then, it may be a lot longer before you are having sex with anything like the regularity of the past. Having a baby changes everything, and that includes your sex life.”

Category: Pregnancy
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